Are you a People Pleaser?
Let me confess, a lot of people I see around are people pleasers. They do things that are liked by others instead of themselves. But If I write about them, this little article will only increase hatred around me. So I think I should write about my journey in this post instead of pointing towards someone to change someone. With all the little experience I have, I believe that it is easy as well as wise to change our own attitude instead of roaming around to change other’s attitudes.
When I was in school, I had a habit of cooking up stories that used to interest others and they started believing that I’m one of them. I used to talk about cricket because all the cricketers I had in my class were popular among girls and always used to be a hot topic in our class. And it was undoubtedly a sense of achievement for me to be the part of that group.
I used to share funny incidences, which were a product of my imagination, to entertain others so that they consider me a part of their group. I was happy being one of those cool guys, but trust me, that happiness was transitory. The more I was progressing in those activities, the more I was losing my own identity. Today, If I look back, I don’t recognize that guy at all. He was just wasting his time and energy in pleasing those people who started believing in a fake identity which was far away from my true self.
The question arises here is, why the hell I was forging a fake identity? The only answer I found after spending countless nights of solitude is, I was seeking acceptance from people around me. I’m not saying that I had a traumatic or hard childhood, but I was seeking love and acceptance from people around me. It’s hard to find the answer that why I was so busy in seeking acceptance at that age. I’m still seeking its answer.
But what is the problem of being a people pleaser?
If I may answer this by bifurcating the impact of being a people pleaser in the short term and long term, I can simply say this.
In the short term, being a people pleaser will help you in gaining promotions, give you a sense of accomplishment and confidence beyond a limit.
In the long term, It will give you pain, depression, and hatred towards yourself.
And that’s what exactly happened to me. After spending many years forging a fictitious identity, I was trapped inside my mind, trying to differentiate between what’s real and what’s a product of my imagination. And on the journey of finding your talents, your passions, yourself, it gives you a very hard time.
Also, on a very practical note, no one will finance the clothes, the accessories which you use to please people around you. It will only disturb your psyche and will give you a hard time in finding your true self.
I would like to write more about it, but for now-
I arrest my case here 🙂
Love, Laughter, and Peace
Himanshu R Nagpal